finding the sweet spot beyond resolution and discipline
Self Love
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Myths are experienced in ordinary life, as everyday epiphanies.
〰 Phil Cousineau 〰
Resolution Backlash
New Year and resolutions go together like tomatoes and mozzarella. But more often than not the relationship is short-lived. Why? Some say it's because of a missing ingredient... (the metaphorical basil?)
Resolution [from Latin re = again + solvere = loosen, release, detach, untie] comes first. This verbiont, which literally stands for repetitive disintegration, is full of surprises.
When the word resolution entered the English language in late 14 c. it carried the original meaning of
analysis
breaking sth. into its parts
splitting a complex thing into its components
dissolving the knots to solve a problem
turning solid into liquid
In Middle English a resolutif was a medicine to dissolve and disperse hardened matter (c. 1400).
The words resolve and dissolve were effectively synonyms until at least mid 15 c.
In the 16th century an unexpected transformation took place. The same word that was all about melting and dissolving, being fluid and flowing became associated with the rigidity of an act of determination. How did that happen?
The answer lies in the context. Resolution became the word of choice for mathematical problem-solving.
After a solution is found ~ or settled upon ~ determination kicks in, a decision is made, goal fixed, and resolution becomes a firm statement of purpose.
Resolve ~ an essentially soft and malleable verbiont by nature ~ took on the surprising character traits of willpower, strength of character, strong mindedness almost by stealth. It became a sign of
backbone
dedication
commitment
staying power
Synonymous with perseverance and tenacity, with a sprinkling of stubbornness and obstinacy if necessary.
Once you’ve made up your mind, being resolute is a strength.
single-minded
purposeful
unwavering
the opposite of irresolute and half-hearted, which would spell weakness ~ and failure.
Around mid 15 c. resolution became a frame of mind. A desirable quality of character and personality, associated with ‘pious or moral determination’. That’s a good thing, right? It’s the kind of person you can rely on.
That resolution could also be used as an official statement by the 1580s ~ a ‘formal decision’ taken by an assembly or meeting ~ comes as no surprise. It’s a logical consequence of resolute (male) humans gathering in a resolute frame of mind with the resolve to solve problems.
A resolution taken in the first breath of a New Year added a new meaning altogether. The notion was born around the 1780s and filled the word with a specific intention to better oneself ~ perhaps aspiring to become like the resolute members of society who gathered in assemblies with the resolve to make resolutions.
Those early New Year’s resolutions were “generally of a pious nature” for the following 100+ years.
In the 21st century resolutions have not only become more secular. They also come loaded with pressure, and perhaps fear of failure:::
According to a Forbes Health survey, improved fitness (48%) is top of the list in New Year’s resolutions for 2024.
Related polls about fulfilling such intentions show that only 9% of resolutions are 'carried through' to the end of the year.
In other words, New Year resolutions have a 91% chance to dissolve soon after the human mind has resolved to take a particular course of action.
Dear Me
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Disciplined Siblings
The obstacle that throws itself in the tracks of sticking to our resolutions is attached to the word discipline. The 9 % who manage to run with their resolutions and carry them through the finishing line seem to have it. They are the successful ones. The resolute characters of unwavering resolve.
The other 91% don’t have it. Or not enough to see it through. Or so we tell ourselves, when that 'New Year's Resolution' (NYR) begins to slip soon after Epiphany. It’s not the resolution that’s the problem. It’s the discipline ~ or rather the lack of it ~ the missing basil...?
It’s me not being disciplined enough to do what’s good for me, to become the better version of myself ~ so goes the logic of the Anthropocene. Because the Anthropocene mindset is programmed to always find fault with oneself, blame oneself, put oneself down. And the NYR is a perfect opportunity to start the New Year on the right wrong footing, if you see what I mean.
Once you meet discipline up close, you might understand why so many of us have trouble embracing it ~ why it takes a hell of a lot of resolution not to shy away from it. This verbiont can be an intimidating character. The CV of discipline includes:::
1200 – penitential chastisement, punishment for the sake of correction
14 c. – branch of instruction or education
mid 14 c. – system of rules and regulations
training to follow orders and act in accordance with rules
1500 – orderly conduct as a result of training
late 15 c. – military training
1570s – system regulating the practice of a church
laws which bind the subjects of a church in their conduct
In 21st century anthropocentric English, the noun discipline is applied to:::
self-control
sticking to a routine or practice
following a certain program and/ or schedule
training people to obey the rules of a certain system
control gained by enforced obedience
mental or physical training in general,
or any particular type of such training
a system of rules for specific behaviour
punishment, penalisation
branch of knowledge, especially in academic studies
field of enquiry
The verb to discipline is used in the sense of:::
to punish
to penalise
to impose order
to control
The noun discipline [from Latin disciplina = instruction, teaching, learning, knowledge] found its way into the English language around 1200 via Old French descepline (= physical punishment; teaching, suffering; martyrdom).
That discipline is not a verbiont you can easily trust and put in charge of controlling your life is perfectly natural. There is, however, another side to this character ~ softer, less scary, and a lot more relatable.
The control freak called discipline has an older relative with the name disciple [from Latin discipulus = student, follower, pupil]. This English word was born before the 12th century in the sense of “one who accepts and assists in spreading the doctrines” of a teacher.
That's it. This is all the information you get about the CV of disciple. You know what this means?
It means the word disciple is used today in English in the same sense as its Latin ancestor.
It means this verbiont has hardly changed its meaning in 1000 years!
~ Such consistency is highly unusual for any word!! ~
It also means that disciple is more disciplined than discipline and far more resolute than resolution.
Not all etymologists agree on the composition of the pair disciple/ discipline. They look deceptively similar but do they come from the same stock?
The original Latin root verb could be either discipere [dis-= apart + capere = to take, grab hold of] = to grasp mentally.
Or it could be the verb discere (no prefix, all one word) = to learn, study, practice.
At first sight this might not look like a big deal. After all, when we learn, study or practice, we are continuously ‘grasping’ new things ~ not just ‘mentally’ but also physically, training the body memory. And it is not uncommon for words with related meanings to blend into each other over time.
The difference between disciple and discipline lies in the experience. To learn, study, practice are activities which allow for failure. These actions are not associated with performance and being tested (yet). Like the toddler who falls over many times while learning to walk, it is normal to wobble and tumble when practicing new skills ~ or starting the New Year with a new resolution.
Learning something new is exciting and fun. The triumphant expression on the face of a young child, practicing to join the race of human bipeds says it all. As a young human you didn’t think about resolution. You were living it ~ determined and disciplined, following a deep natural resolve to master a new level of competence.
If, on the other hand, you think of discipline as something you try to grasp, a punishing practice which is always out of reach ~ that’s painful. It takes the joy out of learning.
The two options of different Latin roots help to explain the split-personality of this verbiont::
~ one side curious, playful, open to learning, powered by an internal drive
~ the other imposing a training program with rules and schedules set by an external source.
Learning comes easy when the disciple is enthusiastic. Discipline is a drag when the resolution doesn’t come from an inner urge to reach another level of being human, or to have a new experience of life.
Discipline is a joy when the disciple is encouraged to play, experiment and learn at their own pace. Education becomes associated with torture and punishment when a disciplinarian tries to force new content into the mind, body or daily habits while waving a stick at the disciple and threatening disciplinary actions.
Epiphaning
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A Sweet Spot for Epiphaning
The definitions of resolution and discipline listed above reflect mostly the mindset and interpretations of the Anthropocene.
Moving into the Symbiocene we have to cultivate and grow a radically new understanding. My New Year's gift to you is a handful of seeds, ready to sow into the soil of your own symbiophile mind.
These seeds may help to resolve the New Year’s resolution-discipline problem once and for all. They can also help to prepare your inner soil for epiphaning ~ like a bag of green manure prepares the veg patch to make it more nutritious for your kale and tomatoes.
Epiphany [from Greek epi = on to + phanein = to show, reveal] came into English in 14 c. with the name of the Christian festival of Epiphany, celebrated as Three King’s Day on January 6th. In everyday language epiphany is a sudden revelation, or an Aha-moment a.k.a. Eureka experience.
Epiphaning is a verb-formation related to such an event. Epiphaning means tapping into a frequency where epiphanies are more likely to happen. It can also mean that you have a series of epiphanies, one after the other, like a string of fairy lights coming on inside your mind.
Resolution, as you already know, is literally a process of solving and dissolving. Instead of interpreting your New Year’s resolution as a fixed goal ~ e.g. a specific intention to better yourself ~ look at it as a solution to something or some aspect in your life, where you feel ‘stuck’.
If there is a situation in your life where things are not moving the way you would like them to unfold, you can formulate a New Year's Resolving.
〰 write it down 〰
(Resolving has a very different spirit and mood from Resolution ~ can you feel that?)
Now turn to the word discipline. Instead of meeting yourself with the strictness of a disciplinarian taskmaster, welcome your Inner Disciple with open arms. Find out what you want or need to learn in relation to fulfilling your intention.
〰 how about starting a little exchange of messages with your Inner Disciple? 〰
(Notice the difference between the two characters Discipling and Discipline)
The idea that 'we need discipline to stick to our resolutions' is overrated (and potentially counter productive). It is based on the assumption that your 'NYResolution' is a goal you might want to achieve, but you don't really want to do what it takes to get there.
A 'New Year's Resolving' is different. Alone the thought of it ~ the decision to resolve an issue that has been difficult, that has weighed you down and is about to fall away ~ should fill you with enough curiosity and excitement to become a driving force in itself.
As soon as you choose the path of ‘resolving,’ your belly should be buzzing with enthusiasm, your nostrils fluttering with curiosity, your heels hopping with anticipation. Discipline becomes a non-issue. Your heart will be burning with the hunger to explore and learn. You’ll have so much fun establishing new habits ~ discovering new ways of experiencing life ~ yearning to find out what’s waiting around the corner. Your natural desire to learn will be your fuel.
Instead of trying to 'discipline' yourself (and scaring the shit out of that Inner Disciple), experiment with discipling this year. Open your mind to new possibilities ~ it's the best way to prepare the inner soil for epiphanies.
While learning a new habit, or unlearning an old one, or whatever goal your inner vision has set sight on, allow yourself to wobble and stumble ~ if and whenever that happens.
But don't let your Inner Disciple wander off into the sunset on their own. As soon as you've activated your discipling mode, call on the Wise Elder within yourself. (If the harsh taskmaster shows up, just let them now that you're looking for a supportive mentor this year).
As you are stepping into your New Year's Resolving groove, remember that your Inner Disciple is more likely to enjoy following a teacher out of interest and admiration, rather than fear. With the Inner Disciple and the Inner Wise Mentor, you've got a strong and trustworthy team. With this pair you're ready to set off.
Together they will create a beneficial learning environment.
Together they give you a chance to stay on the path you’ve chosen.
The Wise One encourages the discipling and cheers you on.
The Wise One envelops the discipling with love and pride, and the Inner Disciple grows in the embrace.
The Wise One offers support and suggests breaks before the Inner Disciple throws in the towel.
The Inner Disciple asks the right questions, and the Wise Mentor nudges you onto the path of epiphaning.
Because the relationship between Inner Disciple and Wise Mentor is natural, complementary, constructive ~ because it's built on mutual respect and friendship ~ because you're moving in the sweet spot of epiphaning ~ you're giving your NYR a greater chance to succeed.
The sweet spot between resolving and discipling lies in the loving attention with which you meet yourself.
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